its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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