Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
