I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
