A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
