I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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