Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
