Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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