his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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