i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
