Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
