You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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