I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize