I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
