Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
