we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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