you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
