i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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