She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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