i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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