no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
