he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
