Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
