I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
