yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
