Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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