some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize