I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Randomize