Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
