Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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