meet me or not, i'm out of control
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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