need another drink. this is the easiest way
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
