It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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