Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
