the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
