Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
organizing the empties. That sober.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
