Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
