the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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