please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
