if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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