You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
