idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
