i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
