I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
