i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
