So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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