You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
