Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
