masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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