My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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