this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he just fucked me for my cheese.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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