yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
