we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
