he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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