as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
