dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
