Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You are a genius and a whore.
Congratulations! We have a period
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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