I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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