There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
