and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
