I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize