you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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