i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
