ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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