So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
