but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
