I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Holy shit dude........stairs
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
