sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
