even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize