This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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