Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize