peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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