I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
