Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
