I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize