He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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