I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
