I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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