My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize